How are you doing? Aren’t you loving the Fall? Fall is gorgeous in Minnesota.
But Minnesota… why Minnesota? Most of you know that I’ve been living here for while now and most of you know the reason(s) I am here. (If you don’t and you really really want to know, send me an email and I’ll be glad to tell you why). And even though I always thought that I adjusted pretty well (to climate and culture) and that I’ve gotten over all major culture shocks, there is always something that takes me by surprise. Sometimes those things are easy to learn and understand but it takes a while (a long while) to really get it.
Here you have one of example. May be you can give me some insights to understand this situation better.
Example : Paulino and Peter Olsen (Paulino’s friend from the Midwest)
Paulino: (on Facebook or email) Hey Peter, I haven’t seen you in a while. Would you like to get together for coffee sometime and catch up?
Peter: Yeah, you betcha. Let’s get together soon.
… a couple of weeks pass by…
Paulino: Dude! Peter! When do you want to get together? What’s your schedule like these days?
Peter: Oh, yes, we should get together. I am busy this weekend but I’ll let you know.
…a month passes by…
Paulino: So… Peter… are you still interested in getting together? Let me know. Thanks
Peter: Oh, yes. I’ve just been busy. But we’ll get together soon. I’ll let you know.
… long time passes…
Peter never innitiates communication to even try to arrange a time to get together. So, after a few cases like this with other Peter’s and Mary’s I start to wonder about the whole Minnesota nice thing. Luckily I have many examples of other people (most non-Minnesotans but a few of them are) who make the whole “let’s meet for coffee” process much easier. :-)
Any thoughts? Please leave a comment
Save the date!
Dec 7-10 @ 7:30 pm
DON’T CRY FOR ME by Paulino Brener
A tall Argentine leaves his mother land to come to the U.S. and discovers that changing the language you speak might change who you are. Don’t Cry For Me uses satire, movement, and storytelling to explore connections between language and identity. Performed by Paulino Brener. Directed by Dario Tangelson.
Please don’t be so offended by what people say in the Minnesota nice world. Many people are only able to be trusted by their actions and not their words. This is a form of protection when you live in a small town like Minneapolis. Everyone is going to be nice to you, but the truth is not everyone likes each other. So to keep long winters okay, where it is necessary to be cooped up and work side by side with co-workers/friends/acquaintances and keep the peace it is a necessary survival tactic. NY is a different world cause they’ll tell you to your face if they don’t like you. I’m only speaking from my own personal experience that may be a different opinion then a lot of others. In the end the only words you can trust are the actions people take. If they actually go out for coffee means they are a good friend! Take care and keep movin’
Peace Paulino
I don’t know if that’s a MN thing- I’m Minnesotan, and this drives me BONKERS. I think it might be a planner vs. spontaneous person thing. I have a dear pal who, when I ask her to brunch, I attempt to name a time, date, and locale. She always replies with “Let’s just call/text each other when we get up, ok?” This makes me uneasy, as if she might back out the day of. She’d rather see what she’s feeling like eating that day, and when, so I’ve learned to go with that flow- at least we’ve nailed down a date, sheesh!
It’s funny you mention this. I was hanging out with a Minnesota native the other night, playing cards, and he observed the same thing, even though he has lived here all his life. He said his friend calls it Minnesota “Ice.” I experience these sorts of things too. But not from my other out-of-town friends. I find Minnesotans are afraid to talk to “strangers” where “stranger” is defined as someone you did not go to high school with. In Arkansas, if you stand at a street corner, waiting for the light to change, you may turn to the stranger next to you and say “What a great day!” And they will look back at you, smile, and say “Why yes, isn’t it. And how are you doing?” And off we go, talking away, – total strangers. In Minneapolis, if I tried that (and I have) there is a 90% chance they will not even turn their head or acknowledge you said anything. I hardly notice their behavior anymore. I stopped reaching out to strangers here because they appear to be frightened or confused as to how to respond. Well, actually, I still say hello to strangers, but I don’t take it personally when 90% of them don’t acknowledge me. I enjoy the smiles of the 10% who do.
Yeah, this is our passive way of saying “I don’t know what we would talk about if we just got together for no good reason other than to see each other and that makes me feel awkward and uncomfy and I’d rather not do it.” I think we Minnesotans are passive. We don’t like the confrontation of telling all of our true feelings. Its too demanding of others. I also feel it’s about humility, like we are not so full of ourselves that we think everyone cares or wants to hear our true feelings. Maybe it comes from our history of dealing with long cold winters, you don’t just go out in all that weather just to have coffee with somebody, just to drop by. I noticed that we don’t just drop by our friends houses or workplaces – that is something I learned about in West Africa and other towns in the US. People just come over to see you, they don’t want anything, just to see you. I still can’t get comfy with this idea – I gotta at least call or text first, but I’m trying. It’s all about connecting right? But it would be too too mean for a Minnesotan to say “No I don’t want to get together for coffee.” It’s “nicer” to be passive – at least that’s what we think…getting together for coffee seems like such a NYC thing to me anyways. Oooh the big city! We are in the Minne-apple. Minne-apolitans say “D’ya wanna go around the lake?”
Paulino,
As a native Minnesotan with some sense of also being an outlander I suggest that Minnesotans are most reliable in their attention and commitment when we form a circle with them and usually one involving working together. With our butts facing the cold wind we gather in our circle to heal from alcoholism, to create a park for canoeing, to share some dubious forms of main course cookery. Warmer climate people might think spending time together is an adequate cause on its own, but hanging out is not as natural to the folks worried about the next cold front.
Peace,
Michael Gardos Reid
Michael, thanks a lot for you comment. It’s true, I do have several circles of friends and colleagues in Minnesota.
Hey, Kenna. Thanks for your comment. I must admit I have a hard time thinking about you as a Minnesotan. I really like how direct you are when you express your ideas. At least in the context of art creation. And by they way, I am a city boy but I come from a small city in Argentina. Just like in NYC, over there is also common just to drop by someone’s house and say “Hola!” :)
Don’t worry, Dario, I am/was not offended! Thanks for your comment.
Hallo Jana. Finally someone who shares my pain! LOL! :-)
Nice, David. I think I will start doing that: say “hello” or “good morning” to anyone I pass by on the street. I’ll let you know how it goes! LOL! :-) Thanks for your comment.